Gentle Parenting Tantrums: 8 Expert Tips

October 26, 2023 Amy Braun, LCPC, PMH-C

Parenting is a journey filled with challenges and triumphs.

As a mom of four and perinatal specialist, I know that one of the most common challenges parents face is dealing with toddler tantrums.

Ages 2 and 3 are so hard when it comes to tantrums.

In this blog, we will explore the concept of gentle parenting and how it can help you navigate toddler tantrums with ease!

Understanding Tantrums:

Before diving into gentle parenting techniques, it's important to understand why tantrums occur. Tantrums are a natural part of a child's development, typically beginning around the age of two.

They are a way for children to express their frustration, anger, or sadness when they lack the language skills to communicate effectively.

Tantrums can also occur due to tiredness, hunger, or overstimulation. Recognizing the triggers for tantrums is the first step in addressing them with a gentle approach.

What Is Gentle Parenting?

Gentle parenting is an approach that emphasizes empathy, communication, and understanding between parents and children.

It focuses on building a strong emotional connection and fostering a positive parent-child relationship. The central components of gentle parenting include:

Empathy:
Recognizing and validating your child's emotions, even when they seem irrational or challenging.
Respect:
Treating your child as an individual with their own thoughts, feelings, and preferences.
Positive Discipline:
Using non-punitive methods to guide your child's behavior and teach them appropriate ways to express themselves.
Communication:
Encouraging open and honest communication between parents and children, even when discussing difficult topics.

Gentle Parenting Tantrums:

1) Empathize with Your Child

When your child is in the midst of a tantrum, it can be tempting to become frustrated or angry in response.

However, gentle parenting encourages you to put yourself in your child's shoes. Try to understand what might be causing their distress.

Are they tired, hungry, or overwhelmed by a situation? By acknowledging their feelings and empathizing with them, you can help your child feel heard and understood.

2) Stay Calm

Maintaining your own composure during a tantrum is crucial.

If you react with anger or frustration, it can escalate the situation further. Take deep breaths and remind yourself that tantrums are a normal part of childhood.

Invest in noise-canceling headphones if you struggle to stay calm due to the overstimulation of toddler tantrums.

Your calm presence can provide a sense of security for your child and help them regulate their emotions.

3) Offer Comfort

Sometimes, all a child needs during a tantrum is comfort and reassurance.

Offer a hug, hold their hand, or sit quietly with them until they start to calm down.

Physical touch and gentle words can provide comfort and help your child feel safe.

The middle of a tantrum is not the time to “teach them a lesson” or try to reason with them. It is important to help them regulate their emotions first.

4) Use Positive Language

Instead of scolding or yelling, use positive language to communicate with your child.

Say things like, "It’s okay to be frustrated, but it’s not okay to throw your toys?" Instead of saying “Stop throwing your toys right now!” say “Let’s set our toys down nicely.”

Tell them what you want them to do vs telling them what not to do.

This approach encourages your child to express their feelings and know that it’s okay to have emotions and helps them develop healthy coping skills from a young age.

5) Redirect and Distraction

If the tantrum is triggered by a specific situation, such as wanting a toy or treat, gently redirect your child's attention to something else. Offer an alternative activity or toy to distract them from their frustration.

6) Set Limits with Empathy

It's essential to set appropriate limits for your child's behavior but do so with empathy.

For example, you can say, "I understand you want that cookie, but we'll have dinner soon. How about having a string cheese instead?"

This approach acknowledges their desire while also teaching patience and self-control.

7) Time-In Instead of Time-Out

Gentle parenting advocates for time-ins instead of traditional time-outs.

Instead of isolating your child, stay with them during their emotional outburst. This allows them to feel your presence and support while still understanding that certain behaviors are not acceptable.

If you are playing outside, have them sit on the porch for their time-in, rather than having them in their room with the door shut.

Aim for the amount of minutes of your child’s age. For example, if your child is three, the time-in should be about three minutes.

8) Reflect on the Triggers

After the tantrum has subsided, take some time to reflect on what might have triggered it.

This reflection can help you identify patterns and address underlying issues that may be contributing to repeated tantrums.

Takeaways

Dealing with toddler tantrums can be challenging, but a gentle parenting approach can make the process smoother and more constructive.

By understanding the root causes of tantrums, empathizing with your child, and using positive communication, you can help your child navigate their emotions and develop essential life skills.

Remember that gentle parenting is not about being permissive but about nurturing a loving and respectful relationship with your child while teaching them appropriate ways to express themselves.

We cannot expect our children to do something that we cannot do ourselves. It’s also important that we don’t shut down our children’s emotions.

Feeling angry and frustrated are normal human emotions. It’s important to acknowledge that it’s okay to have these feelings while providing and modeling appropriate ways to handle them.

With patience and consistency, you can turn tantrum moments into opportunities for growth and connection in your parent-child relationship.

With love and solidarity,