10 Practical Tips to Stop Being a Yelling Mom
Finding Calm: A Christian Mom’s Guide to Stop Being a Yelling Mom
Motherhood is a beautiful journey filled with joy, laughter, and countless precious moments.
However, it can also be incredibly challenging, pushing even the most patient among us to our limits.
One common struggle many moms face is the tendency to raise their voices in frustration or anger.
If you find yourself constantly yelling and want to make a positive change, you're not alone.
In this blog, we'll explore practical tips and strategies, as well as examples, to help you break the habit of yelling.
Together, let’s create a more peaceful and nurturing environment for both you and your kids.
10 Practical Tips to Stop Being a Yelling Mom
The first, and most important step is to identify your triggers. This must come before using any of the strategies discussed in this blog.
Identifying these triggers can be the first step toward managing and eventually eliminating them.
Common triggers include stress, exhaustion, lack of patience, feeling overstimulated, or even unresolved personal issues.
By recognizing these triggers, you can start to address the root causes of your frustration and work on developing healthier coping mechanisms.
Tip #1: Establish Realistic Expectations
Unrealistic expectations can contribute to feelings of frustration and disappointment, leading to yelling.
Reflect on your expectations for yourself and your children. Are they realistic given your current circumstances?
Adjusting your expectations can help alleviate unnecessary stress and create a more positive atmosphere at home.
Example:
Instead of expecting your toddler to clean up their toys perfectly, understand that it's a learning process.
Celebrate their efforts and involvement, even if the result isn't flawless.
This shift in expectations can reduce frustration and promote a more positive interaction.
Tip #2: Prioritize Self-Care
As a mom, taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your family.
We often forget to take care of our own needs, even remembering to eat at times.
It’s very important to put your own oxygen mask on first and ensure you get enough sleep, engage in activities you enjoy, and prioritize self-care.
Example:
If you're feeling overwhelmed, consider asking a friend or family member to watch the kids for a couple of hours.
Use this time to do something that brings you joy or simply to relax.
A rejuvenated and centered mom is better equipped to handle the demands of parenting without resorting to yelling.
Tip #3: Using Pre-Teaching
Integrate the concept of pre-teaching as a proactive strategy to address potential conflicts and set expectations before challenging situations arise.
Pre-teaching involves preparing your children for specific scenarios, discussing appropriate behaviors, and establishing clear expectations.
Example:
Before heading to a crowded grocery store, gather your children for a brief pre-teaching session.
Discuss the importance of staying close, following instructions, and using polite language.
Emphasize the positive outcomes of their cooperation, such as a smoother and faster shopping trip.
By pre-teaching, you provide your children with a roadmap for successful behavior, reducing the likelihood of frustration and the need for yelling during the outing.
Tip #4: Implement a Calm-Down Routine
Develop a personalized calm-down routine that you can turn to when you feel your frustration escalating.
Example:
Step outside for a few minutes or retreat to the bathroom.
The change of scenery and quiet space can help decrease negative energy, allowing you to return to the situation as a calmer mom.
Tip #5: Use Positive Reinforcement
Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool in shaping behavior.
I cannot state enough how effective this strategy is in decreasing yelling.
Instead of focusing on what your children are doing wrong, praise and reward them for positive behaviors.
Do this as often as you can - try to “catch” them being good.
Example:
“Wow! I love how you just cleaned up your toys without being asked! Great job!”
If your child completes their homework without being reminded, offer words of praise and perhaps a small reward.
Positive reinforcement not only reinforces good behavior but also strengthens the bond between you and your child.
Tip #6: Establish Clear Boundaries
Clearly defined boundaries provide structure and predictability for both you and your children.
Example:
If one of your rules is no screen time before homework is done, consistently enforce this boundary.
When your child understands the consequences and sees the consistent application of rules, conflicts that may lead to yelling are less likely to arise.
Tip #7: Take Breaks When Necessary
Recognize when you need a break and don't be afraid to step away from a challenging situation.
Example:
If you find yourself on the verge of yelling during a disagreement with your teenager, excuse yourself for a few minutes.
Use this time to collect your thoughts and approach the conversation with a cooler head, fostering a more constructive and understanding exchange.
Tip #8: Using a 'Feelings Wheel'
Introduce a 'feelings wheel' as a visual aid to help both you and your children express emotions more effectively.
This tool provides a range of emotions, allowing everyone to pinpoint and communicate their feelings accurately.
Example: During a family meeting, bring out the 'feelings wheel' and encourage each family member to point to the emotion they are experiencing.
This can open up a discussion about emotions, making it easier for everyone to understand and empathize with each other.
Put it on your fridge for an easy visual aid to communicate what you are actually feeling rather than yelling.
Tip #9: Seek Professional Support
If yelling has become a persistent issue despite your efforts, seeking professional support can be incredibly beneficial.
Example: A maternal mental health therapist can help provide strategies to address specific challenges and triggers.
Professional support can offer valuable insights and tools to create a healthier and more peaceful home environment.
Tip #10: Model Positive Behavior
We can’t expect our kids to do something that we can’t do ourselves.
If we expect our children to respond calmly, we must model that.
Children learn by example, and your behavior sets the tone for the household.
Model the kind of behavior you want to see in your children – patience, empathy, and effective communication.
Example:
When faced with a difficult situation, articulate your feelings calmly and express why certain behaviors are unacceptable.
By modeling positive behavior, you provide your children with a blueprint for handling challenges without resorting to yelling.
Takeaways:
Breaking the habit of yelling is a journey that requires self-reflection, patience, and dedication.
By implementing these practical tips and strategies, you can create a more peaceful and nurturing environment for yourself and your children.
Remember, it's okay to make mistakes along the way – what matters most is your commitment to positive change and the well-being of your family.
Embrace the process, celebrate your successes, and watch as your home becomes a place of love and understanding.
With love and solidarity,
Are you ready to stop being a yelling mom today? Let’s connect!
I will help you find solutions and immediate relief. Reach out for a free consultation today!
Related Articles:
Coping with Postpartum Rage: 10 Practical Tips for New Moms
Postpartum Anger: Causes, Signs, and Coping Strategies
Sources:
Wang, M., Kenny, S. Longitudinal Links between Fathers' and Mothers' Harsh Verbal Discipline and Adolescents' Conduct Problems and Depressive Symptoms. Child Dev. 2014. 85(3).
Psychology Today: Please Don’t Yell
Psych Central: Why Do you Yell and Shout When Angry