Mom shaming is an unfortunate reality that many mothers face today.

It comes in various forms, from subtle comments to outright criticism.

As a mom of four, I’ve seen and experienced my fair share. Let’s talk about what mom shaming is, why it happens, and how we can support each other better.

What is Mom Shaming?

Mom shaming happens when someone criticizes a mother for her parenting choices.

It can be about anything—feeding, sleeping, discipline, education, and even playtime.

These comments can come from family, friends, strangers, or even online communities.

Why Do People Mom Shame?

Insecurity: Sometimes, people project their insecurities onto others.
They might feel unsure about their parenting choices and, in turn, criticize others to feel better about themselves.
Lack of Understanding: Not everyone understands the challenges and nuances of parenting.
They might think their way is the only correct way.
Cultural Differences: Parenting styles vary across cultures.
What’s considered normal in one culture might be seen differently in another.
Social Media: Online platforms can amplify mom shaming.
People feel powerful behind screens, making hurtful (cowardly) comments they might never say in person.

Common Areas of Mom Shaming

Breastfeeding vs. Formula Feeding:
This is a hot topic. Some moms are shamed for not breastfeeding, while others are criticized for doing it too long or in public.
Working Moms vs. Stay-at-Home Moms: Moms face judgment no matter their choice.
Working moms are sometimes accused of neglecting their children, while stay-at-home moms might be seen as not contributing financially.
Discipline Methods: How you choose to discipline your child can bring a lot of unsolicited advice and judgment.
Screen Time: In today’s digital age, the amount of screen time allowed is a common point of contention.
Sleep Training: Whether you let your baby cry it out or co-sleep, someone will have an opinion.

The Impact of Mom Shaming

Mom shaming can have serious effects on mental health.

It can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression. It can make moms doubt their abilities and decisions.

Parenting is already challenging, and shaming makes it even harder.

How to Handle Mom Shaming

Trust Yourself:
You know your child best. Trust your instincts and decisions. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting.
Set Boundaries: It’s okay to set boundaries with people who criticize your parenting.
You can politely but firmly tell them that you appreciate their concern but feel confident in your choices.
Seek Support: Surround yourself with supportive people.
Join groups where you can share experiences and get encouragement.
Educate Gently: Sometimes, people don’t realize they’re being hurtful.
A gentle explanation can go a long way.
For example, if someone criticizes your feeding choices, you can explain why it works for you and your baby.
Ignore the Noise: Some comments don’t deserve your attention. Learn to let go and not take everything to heart.

Supporting Fellow Moms

Be Empathetic:
Everyone is fighting their own battles.
A little empathy can go a long way. Before you comment, think about how it might affect the other person.
Offer Help, Not Criticism: If you see a mom struggling, offer to help instead of criticizing.
Sometimes, just a kind word can make a huge difference.
Celebrate Differences: Understand that different families have different needs and what works for one might not work for another.
Celebrate these differences instead of judging them.
Share Your Experiences: Share your parenting journey without making others feel inferior.
Your story can inspire and support others without shaming them.

The Role of Social Media

Social media plays a big role in mom shaming.

While it can be a great place for support and community, it can also be a breeding ground for negativity.

Here’s how to make social media a positive space:

Follow Positive Accounts:
Fill your feed with positivity. Follow accounts that uplift and support moms rather than those that criticize.
Engage Kindly: If you see mom shaming happening, step in with kindness.
Defend the mom being shamed without attacking the person doing the shaming.
Share Realistic Content: Share your real-life experiences, not just the picture-perfect moments.
This helps other moms feel less alone in their struggles.
Report Bullying: Don’t be afraid to report negative behavior.
Most platforms have options to report bullying and harassment.