How to Be a Good Mom: What I Tell My Therapy Clients (And What I Practice with My Own 4 Kids)
I’ve spent 15 years as a perinatal mental health therapist, sitting across from hundreds of moms who ask me the same question: “How do I know if I’m a good mom?”
As the founder of Mom Therapy Chicago and a mom of four, I get it. Both personally and professionally, I know the weight of this question.
Here’s what I’ve learned - both from my therapy room and my own kitchen table.
How to Be a Good Mom When You’re About to Lose It: Breaking the Yelling Cycle
We’ve all been there. The kids aren’t listening, and your patience is paper-thin.
But yelling doesn’t solve anything—it only increases the tension.
Instead, take a deep breath and lower your voice.
Speak calmly, but firmly. This approach helps you keep your cool and sets a better example for your kids.
2. How to Be a Good Mom While Keeping Your Marriage Strong
Let’s be real - when kids demand so much, it’s easy to put your relationship on the back burner.
But your partnership needs attention too.
Plan regular date nights, even if it’s just sitting on the couch together after bedtime.
A strong relationship benefits the whole family.
3. How to Be a Good Mom Through Encouragement
Skip the controlling and focus on guiding your kids instead.
Notice their efforts, even when things aren’t perfect.
A simple “I see how hard you worked on that” goes further than pushing for perfection.
This builds their confidence and actually improves behavior over time.
4. How to Be a Good Mom Without Losing Yourself
You can’t give what you don’t have.
Take those 10 minutes with your coffee.
Go for a walk. Call a friend.
Move your body. Get some rest.
It’s not selfish - it’s necessary for everyone’s survival.
5. How to Be a Good Mom Without Doing It All
You don’t have to do it all.
No mom is perfect, and no one expects you to be.
Focus on what truly matters to you and your family. If the dishes sit in the sink for a night, it’s not the end of the world.
6. How to Be a Good Mom in Real Life: Put Down the Phone
Put down the phone, close the laptop, and spend uninterrupted time with your kids.
Even 15 minutes of focused play can make a huge difference.
Your kids will remember these moments, not the endless to-do lists.
7. How to Be a Good Mom When You Mess Up
Messing up is part of being human.
If you lose your temper or make a mistake, own up to it.
Apologizing shows your kids that it’s okay to admit fault and learn from it.
8. How to Be a Good Mom While Letting Your Kids Grow
Let your kids try things on their own, even if it’s messy or imperfect.
Whether it’s tying their shoes or packing their lunch, these little wins help build confidence and responsibility.
9. How to Be a Good Mom Through Simple Traditions
You don’t need elaborate plans.
Maybe it’s Sunday morning pancakes or Thursday movie nights.
These little moments become the big memories your kids carry with them.
10. How to Be a Good Mom by Setting Limits
Your kids are watching how you treat yourself.
Show them it’s okay to say no.
Show them what healthy boundaries look like. These aren’t just mom skills - they’re life skills they’ll need forever.
Takeaways
This journey of motherhood? It’s not a competition.
It’s not about being perfect.
It’s about being real, being present, and giving yourself grace along the way.
Your kids don’t need a perfect mom.
They need you - showing up, trying your best, and loving them through it all.
With love and solidarity,
Are you struggling with motherhood? Let’s connect!
Reach out for a free consultation today!
Related Articles:
9 Easy Ways to Ask for Help Postpartum
Mom Stress Relief: Quick Tips for a Calmer You
Sources:
Najmi B., Heidari Z., Feizi A., Hovsepian S., Momeni F., Masood Azhar S. M. (2017). Do psychological characteristics of mothers predict parenting stress? a cross-sectional study among mothers of children with different disabilities. Arch. Psychiatr. Nurs. 32 396–402.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29784221/
Manuel J. I., Martinson M. L., Bledsoe-Mansori S. E., Bellamy J. L. (2012). The influence of stress and social support on depressive symptoms in mothers with young children. Soc. Sci. Med. 75 2013–2020.
