Parenting is hard enough when you’re trying to keep everyone fed, clothed, and occasionally showered.

Parenting a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)? That’s a whole new level of challenge.

If you’ve ever wondered if anyone else feels like they’re barely holding it together, the answer is yes. We all do.

I’ve been there—not just as a mom but as a therapist, too.

And while RAD can feel overwhelming, I promise, there’s hope.

Let’s break it down, starting with what RAD is and why it happens.

Because once you understand the “why,” you’ll be better equipped for the “what now?”

What Is Reactive Attachment Disorder

Older kid having a tantrum clinging to parent's leg

Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is what happens when a child’s early relationships don’t give them the safety and security they need to grow into a trusting, connected little human.

It’s not a bad attitude or a phase—it’s a real condition that makes forming healthy attachments hard.

Kids with RAD may push you away even when they desperately need connection.

They might seem overly independent, like they don’t need anyone, or they could swing the other way and cling so tightly you can’t even make it to the bathroom alone.

Trust me, it’s not because they’re trying to make life hard—it’s their way of surviving in a world that, so far, hasn’t felt safe to them.

How Does RAD Develop?

RAD typically develops in the early years when kids miss out on consistent, loving care.

Picture this: A baby cries, and no one comes.

Or they get passed from one caregiver to the next without any chance to form a secure bond.

Over time, the child’s brain learns: People aren’t reliable. I can’t trust them.

This can happen for many reasons—neglect, abuse, or even situations beyond anyone’s control, like long hospital stays or frequent foster care moves.

When the brain is still growing, and those early attachments are interrupted, it creates a blueprint that says, I’m on my own.

It’s heartbreaking, but it’s also not the end of the story.

While those early experiences shape a child’s responses, the brain is an amazing thing.

With time, consistency, and a whole lot of patience (plus caffeine for you), healing is absolutely possible.

Now that you know what RAD is and how it develops, let’s look at what you can actually do to support your child—and yourself—on this journey.

1. The Nesting Phase

Nesting is where you hunker down and focus on building trust with your child.

It’s like camping but with fewer s’mores and more tantrums.

Routines Are Your Best Friend: Breakfast, play, nap, snack, repeat. Your new life is a glorified episode of Groundhog Day.
One-on-One Time: Play Candy Land for the millionth time. Let them win—occasionally.
Keep It Chill: Overstimulated kids with RAD? That’s a recipe for chaos. Your calendar needs fewer playdates and more couch time.

2. Emotions 101

Kids with RAD often struggle to name or handle emotions.

It’s not personal (even though it feels that way when they’re yelling at you because their sock “feels weird”).

Name that Feeling: “You’re mad because your sandwich got cut the wrong way. I get it.”
Model Calm (Even When You’re Screaming Inside): “I’m frustrated too, but let’s take a deep breath together.” Then take five.
Cheer on Progress: “You used your words instead of launching your yogurt at me! High five!”

3. Therapeutic Parenting: Because Regular Parenting Is for Quitters

Forget about the parenting advice your cousin with three “perfect” kids keeps posting on Facebook.

Therapeutic parenting is a whole different ballgame.

Connection over Correction: Instead of saying, “Go to your room!” try, “Let’s figure this out together.” Yes, it’s harder. Yes, it works.
Stay Calm: They’re testing you. Show them you’re not going anywhere (even if you secretly want to run away to a tropical island).
Celebrate the Little Stuff: Did they say “thank you” once this week? Break out the celebratory cake!

4. Get the Professionals on Speed Dial

You don’t have to do this alone.

Call in the experts. They’ll help you—and they probably have snacks in their office.

Attachment Therapy: This is where the magic happens.
Occupational Therapy: If sensory issues are part of the mix, OT can be life changing.
Parent Coaching or Parent Therapy: Because sometimes you just need someone to say, “You’re not crazy, this is hard, and here’s what to do.”

5. Self-Care: It’s Not Optional

You’re doing important work, but you can’t pour from an empty coffee cup.

Take care of yourself so you can take care of your child.

Connect: Other adoptive parents get it. They won’t judge when you confess that you hid in the bathroom for five minutes of quiet.
Laugh Whenever You Can: You’ll need humor to survive. Did your kid try to microwave a fork? That’s tomorrow’s dinner party story.
Take Breaks: Even if it’s just a walk around the block or locking yourself in the pantry to eat chocolate in peace.