Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I just need to talk this through”?

If so, you might be a verbal processor.

Verbal processing is the act of thinking out loud.

For many, it’s not just helpful—it’s essential.

Words aren’t just communication tools; they’re how you make sense of your thoughts and feelings.

What Is Verbal Processing?

Simply put, verbal processing is when you process your thoughts by talking.

It’s not about seeking advice or answers from others (though that can happen, too).

It’s about hearing yourself say the words, letting your ideas flow, and finding clarity as you speak.

Some people journal for this. Others think quietly in their heads.

But for verbal processors, talking is their method of choice.

If this sounds like you, you’re not alone. Many people process this way.

But verbal processing can feel tricky, especially if the people in your life don’t work the same way.

Verbal Processing in Relationships

One of the biggest challenges verbal processors face is when their partner doesn’t share the same style.

For example, many of my clients are verbal processors, but their husbands are not.

They might try to talk things out, only to find their spouse withdrawing or feeling overwhelmed.

Sound familiar?

It’s not that your partner doesn’t care.

They likely process things internally.

Where you need to talk things through, they might need quiet time to think.

This mismatch can lead to frustration on both sides.

So, what can you do?

First, acknowledge the difference.

Then, talk about it (of course!).

Let your partner know what you need and ask what they need in return.

You might say, “I’m not looking for solutions right now. I just need to talk this through.”

That simple clarification can ease the pressure and help your partner feel more comfortable.

Boundaries and Verbal Processing

Verbal processing can also lead to challenges with boundaries.

If you’re someone who processes out loud, it’s easy to overshare or talk things through with people who may not be the right audience.

For example, you might vent to a friend, only to regret sharing so much later.

Or you might try to process with someone who feels drained by the conversation.

This doesn’t mean you should stop verbal processing—it just means being thoughtful about how and when you do it.

Older and younger woman having a conversation

A few tips for verbal processors:

Identify your social circles. Picture your relationships like a series of rings.
The closest people—like your partner or best friend—are in the center.
These are your go-to people for deeper conversations.
As the rings move outward, the relationships are less close.
Use this as a guide to decide who to process with and how much to share.
Choose your audience wisely. Not everyone is equipped to be your sounding board.
That’s okay. Consider who feels safe and supportive for these conversations.
Set a time limit. If you tend to get carried away, let the other person know you’ll keep it brief.
Be mindful of reciprocity. Verbal processing should feel like a give-and-take, not a one-sided monologue.
Check in with the other person: “Is this okay to talk about right now?”

Verbal Processing in the Workplace

Verbal processing can be tricky in professional settings.

On one hand, talking things out can spark creativity and problem-solving.

On the other hand, oversharing or processing at the wrong time can create tension or misunderstandings.

Here’s how to balance it:

Know your environment. Some workplaces thrive on collaboration and open dialogue.
Others may prefer concise communication. Understand the culture and adapt accordingly.
Use structured settings. Save verbal processing for meetings or brainstorming sessions, where discussion is encouraged.
Avoid processing during casual conversations or when your coworkers are focused on their tasks.
Find a work ally. If you have a trusted colleague, consider checking in with them before processing out loud.
You might say, “Can I run an idea by you quickly?” Keeping it brief shows respect for their time.
Self-process first. Before a big meeting or conversation, try talking through your thoughts on your own or writing them down.
This can help you organize your ideas and share them more effectively.

By being mindful of how you process in the workplace, you can use your verbal style as an asset rather than a source of frustration.

Verbal Processing as Self-Care

Talking things out isn’t just about problem-solving.

It’s a form of self-care.

When you process verbally, you’re honoring your natural way of thinking.

You’re giving yourself space to sort through emotions and ideas.

But here’s the thing: not all verbal processing needs to happen with another person.

If you feel like you’re overwhelming others (or if you don’t have someone available), try talking out loud to yourself.

Yes, really. It might feel strange at first, but it works.

You can also record voice memos or even use an AI writing tool to type out your thoughts quickly.

Helping Verbal Processors Thrive

If you’re a verbal processor, these strategies can help you make the most of your style:

Clarify your goals. Are you trying to solve a problem or just share how you feel?
Knowing your purpose can help you guide the conversation.
Practice active listening. It’s easy to focus on your own thoughts, but try to stay present for the other person’s perspective, too.
Seek out supportive spaces. This might be a trusted friend, a therapist, or even a support group.
Find people who “get” you and won’t make you feel judged for processing out loud.