Becoming a mom changes everything—your time, your priorities, and even your relationships.

One of the toughest transitions can be setting new boundaries with your parents, especially with your own mother.

She might mean well, but that doesn’t mean you have to say “yes” to every bit of advice, every visit, or every request.

Learning how to protect your time and mental space as you enter motherhood is essential, especially when it comes to balancing your own needs with your parents’ expectations.

Setting boundaries with your parents as an adult can feel awkward.

Add in postpartum hormones and exhaustion, and it can become even more challenging.

But trust me, it’s possible to do it in a way that feels good for you and still honors the relationship.

Here's how to navigate this new dynamic and create a healthy space for your own journey as a mom.

Why Boundaries Matter as a New Mom

Boundaries are not just about keeping people at arm’s length.

They’re about protecting your mental health and creating space for your new role as a mom.

After having a baby, you need time to heal, bond with your baby, and figure out this new life chapter.

This period is precious, and sometimes, too much “input” from others can leave you feeling overwhelmed.

Your mom or mother-in-law may want to be helpful, but there may be moments when her way of helping doesn’t align with what you need right now.

For example, your mother-in-law might offer to take over, but instead of giving you space to rest, she might make you feel like you should be doing more.

Or maybe she offers advice that you didn’t ask for, which can add to the stress.

Boundaries help prevent resentment from building up.

Grandparents in the kitchen with their grandchildren.

How to Start Setting Boundaries

First things first—acknowledge that it’s okay to have boundaries.

Just because you love your parents doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say or do.

In fact, establishing limits can strengthen your relationship, especially during this sensitive postpartum period.

1. Be Clear and Direct

When setting boundaries, being clear is key. You don’t need to explain every detail of why you’re setting a limit.

A simple, direct statement can work wonders.

For example, if your mom wants to visit every day but you’re feeling too tired, you can say, “I really appreciate your help, but we need some quiet time right now.”

It’s a polite but firm way to communicate your needs without opening the door for negotiation.

2. Stay Firm, Even When It's Uncomfortable

There might be moments when sticking to your boundary feels uncomfortable, especially if your mom pushes back.

You might feel guilty, or you may worry about hurting her feelings.

But setting boundaries isn’t about being unkind; it’s about making sure you have the mental and emotional space to thrive as a new mom.

If your mom insists on giving advice you didn’t ask for, you can gently remind her, “I know you mean well, but I’d like to figure this out on my own.”

It may feel awkward at first, but staying firm helps her understand that you’re serious.

3. Use "I" Statements

One trick to setting boundaries without making it sound like you’re accusing or blaming someone is to use “I” statements.

Instead of saying, “You’re overwhelming me with too much advice,” you can say, “I feel overwhelmed when I get too much advice at once.”

This makes it clear that it’s not about what your mom is doing wrong but about what you need to feel okay.

Common Boundaries for New Moms

Let’s look at some specific boundaries that often come up for new moms.

These examples may give you a better sense of how to approach the conversation with your parents.

1. Visiting Hours

While everyone is excited to meet your baby, frequent visits can be draining, especially when you’re sleep-deprived and trying to adjust.

It’s okay to set limits on how often family comes by. You might say something like, “We’re keeping visits short for now while we adjust, but I’ll let you know when we’re ready for more.”

2. Parenting Advice

Moms and mother-in-laws love giving advice—especially when it’s coming from their own experience.

But that doesn’t mean you have to take it all in.

If advice feels more overwhelming than helpful, it’s okay to say, “I appreciate your advice, but we’ve decided to handle things differently.”

3. Expectations of Your Role

Your parents may expect you to continue being available to them in the same way you were before becoming a mom.

Whether it's regular phone calls, family events, or other commitments, you may not have the bandwidth for everything.

It’s okay to say, “I’m focusing on the baby right now, so I won’t be as available as I used to be.”

Dealing with Pushback

Let’s be real—setting boundaries can sometimes lead to pushback, especially from parents who might not understand why things are changing.

Your mom might feel hurt or disappointed if you ask for space or decline her offers of help. The key is to remain calm, clear, and consistent.

If she pushes back, remind yourself that this isn’t about rejecting her love or help.

You’re simply trying to create a space where you can thrive as a mom.

Over time, as you stay firm in your boundaries, your mom is more likely to respect them.

One way to ease the transition is to offer alternatives.

For example, if your mom loves giving advice, you could say, “I appreciate your advice, and I’d love to hear more about your experience, but can we save it for later? Right now, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed.”

Setting Boundaries Can Strengthen Relationships

It might feel scary at first to set boundaries with your parents, especially when you’ve just had a baby and emotions are running high.

But boundaries are actually a form of love.

They allow both you and your parents to have clear expectations, and they protect your emotional energy during a vulnerable time.

Over time, healthy boundaries can help you build a stronger relationship with your parents because there’s less room for misunderstandings or resentment to creep in.

You can enjoy the time you do spend together more when it’s on terms that work for both of you.

Takeaways

As you step into this new chapter of motherhood, give yourself permission to set the limits you need.

Setting boundaries with your parents doesn’t mean cutting them out; it means creating a space where you can focus on being the best mom you can be.

Postpartum is a sensitive time, and you deserve all the support and space you need to thrive.

By setting clear, loving boundaries, you’re not only protecting your peace but also nurturing the relationships that matter most.

It’s okay to take this time for you—and for your baby.

With love and solidarity,

Boundaries with Parents as Adults: Finding Your Voice as a New Mom

Why Boundaries Matter as a New Mom